| I lie alot. |
[24 Jun 2007|01:14pm] |
an awful lot.
mostly to ease communication. here are examples from today.
Man in coffee shops asks "What does it say on your arm?" referring to my tattoo.
i reply: "Its a long story"
what i intend to communicate: I don't want to tell you.
what I'm thinking: if i tell him what it is he wont understand, its complicated, and i have no interest in adding to his knowledge of myself.
desired effect: he asks no more questions and discontinues conversation with me: success
walking home to 'insufficiently dressed' female tourists in front of the famous pizza place on our street ask "excuse me?"
i slow down thinking they will probably ask for directions, which i might attempt to help them with. i see they are holding a camera. they continue to ask "could you take a picture of my friend and me?"
i reply: "im sorry, i dont have time." and keep walking.
what i intend to communicate: please do not be offended but i don't want to take your picture.
what im thinking: i detest doing things for women who get by in life by showing off flesh, they refuse to use their minds and thusly they shrivel inside. the act of taking their picture will be a waste of my time and some other more easily influenced human will likely do it for them. also i hate tourists... i don't know why but i do. On second glance i see that manipulative female smile, it says i can make men do whatever i want... i realize i hate these women.
after i reply, intending to show just the general respect towards the fact that they are human, i see them grotesquely upset that they could not get what they wanted from me, confirming my suspicions about their personality.
I lie every day, i think out of respect for myself.
as a personal rule i refuse to lie to anyone i care about. for everyone else i consider the lie in regards to its cause and effects. i ask my self if i could say "I lied to you because i don't really care about you." and i never lie needlessly.
I lie to Alix a lot though. here is an example:
Alix: "hey do you want to go to such and such a place and eat bla bla bla?"
me: "sure i love bla bla bla, i cant wait to go."
a moments pause...
me: "that was a lie."
Alix frowns at me.
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| It would be nice if google bought LJ... |
[24 May 2007|04:26pm] |
...but they bought blogger instead. oh well.
anyhow. i thought i had something to say here... but maybe not.
yesterday alix bought a coconut. i smashed it with a hammer. it was tasty.
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| zomg |
[06 Jan 2007|07:55pm] |
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multiplayer login and movement functional.. now i just need to fix the log outs.
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[06 Jan 2007|01:41pm] |
i am having a hard time getting back into the code... thats why im posting here instead of hacking away.
my feelings about humanity have been parallel to my feelings for myself.
a.) if the human race survives and makes it out into the universe before the sun eats the earth... that would be good.
b.) if the human race cant get off this rock because of their petty concepts and false beliefs and we all die... that would be good.
...and i am plugging back in.
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| christmas = teh suck.. the list |
[19 Dec 2006|01:51pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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'Shattered' by 'The Trucks' |
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1. Christmas is not a Christian holiday. its a pagan holiday for pagans. Baby Jesus wasnt born in December, and he sure didn't chop down an evergreen tree and set it beside the manger. Humans are idiots, and seem to perpetually do stupid things(like celebrate Christmas) without any reason or thought.
2. Obligated Giving. What The Fuck?
3. Useless gifts. Everything I want or need is over $200.. why? because if it was cheaper i would just go and buy it. I am completely content and in need of nothing. this means that everything i get for Christmases will likely be a waste of space.. i will have to spend time and thought to put it to use.
4. Christmas music. Oh god, make it stop.
5. Santa Claus.
a.) Lieing to children is wrong. Terribly horribly wrong... although if your the kind of parent that lies to their kids, the betrayal they feel when they find out about Santa should make them never trust you again... which would be a good thing.
b.) The current incarnation is purely a product of the Coca-Cola company... their soda tastes like dirty rocks and sugar and burns your mouth.
6. Drunkenness. All holidays are merely an excuse to consume large amounts of alcohol and get blindingly drunk. Its disgusting. This plus bad weather is horrific.
...
despite all this, i am very much looking forward to my excuse to come home and see family again. I miss them all very much, both my own and Alix's.
on the present acquisition list i am down to two.
t-4 days till departure.
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| zomg |
[02 Dec 2006|04:26pm] |
Every morning... no wait.. Every Afternoon, I wake up and look at myself in the mirror and say "You are a Genius. Absolutely brilliant and amazing."
It feels good to know that i am so damn sure of my self... it reassures me seeing myself tell my self that i am doing well.
Aren't feedback loops bizarre?
The videogame is progressing well, working on the world structure today. Networking and the database are finished(ok, not finished but roughed out and functional) and im glad to get into the fun stuff.
I thought of a name for it... but now i dont know if i like it. meh, i'll think of something, It will condensate from the mishmash in my brain and all will be well. as soon as i think of it, i'll have a website and start a real dev-blog.
might be getting kicked out of nyc... cant imagine going back to o-town.. so strange.
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[12 Nov 2006|03:18pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Orinoco Flow |
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Today is a beautiful day.
also there is this which you should watch:
Wind Waker - Orinoco Flow
its really good. unfortunately I have to wait until i get my Nintendo (thats what i call it instead of wii)
before i can play the game, GC emulations just cant cut it yet.
ive been very introspective lately... and decided that i contentment is extreemly importaint. more so then happiness... and that i need to focus on the things that bring me that feeling. because not only do i enjoy being content, doing the things that make me so are the things I want to do...
ok, thats very cyclic, but also true.
basicly ive just got this new bit of mental energy churning around up there.. it makes me want to go exploring... or maybe that was just the Zelda video.
it also get very lonely here all day without Alix... we need a feline here. preferably a kitten.
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| changes |
[04 Oct 2006|01:09pm] |
hair = short
IMclient = Miranda (much smaller and no skinning so BBleanskin does the work for me. the only 'skined' app i still use is winamp... and im still looking for a replacement)
keyboard = black (coverd it in shuretape finaly)
off to build a virtual universe.
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| an email to mom |
[24 Sep 2006|01:33pm] |
Mom,
I've been codeing almost every day, working alot on the networking code, but as soon as i have something to show i'll send you some screenshots. Alix adore's her job, her boss is also a cat-lover and they have alot of simular intrests. Little asian kids from the veitnamese sandwich shop and chinese resturant next door come over to "help" her with the chocolate shop, i hear about them everyday, she'll play with them and eventualy shoo them out of the shop. Almost every night she brings home Bubble Tea, which is a cold tea like drink (tons of differnt flavors) with tapioca bubbles on the the bottom, it comes with a giant straw and you suck the bubbles up with it, they are chewwy.
So far we've spent our weekends exploreing broadway and china town. the past two weeks there has been this Itailan fair that took over the next street over... i woke up one afternoon to a marching band and floats out the window... theres even a ferriswheel a couple of blocks down. we went and got some zapoli? something and fried oreos, yum. But im gald its nearly over, its annoying wadeing throught the toursts.
One night we went to a resturant called "Smack", the whole place is colored bright orange... the walls the chairs the lights, everything, orange... and they only serve Mac-n-Cheese.
So we've been haveing a tremendious amount of fun, and all is well. Im gona get back to my videogame sculpting.
<3 Calvin
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[20 Sep 2006|07:34pm] |
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ZOMG <3 NYC
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[02 Sep 2006|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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t-1 week to NYC
packing 80% complete
flights of stairs: 6
mental outlook: excited
days of work left: 4
new cellphones obtained: 2
rock and roll
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[21 Aug 2006|06:03pm] |
I am bored.
Lets move to NYC.
Keen.
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| the tattoo |
[09 Jun 2006|08:09am] |
i have decided to keep my tattoo intact.
although my spiritual beliefs are realitively empty i will never be ashamed of my previous christan beliefs and still retain concepts that allways seemed true to me.
life is sacred
death is to be avoided
things are governed by equal exchange
and many more concepts that when i hear them, i know they are true.
forgiveing is an anti-entropic act. and for now, that is what it means to me. bringing some order to the chaos before me.
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| sometimes real life is very sureal. |
[17 May 2006|07:30am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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its a small world after all playing in my head |
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yesterday i had an importain meeting with the mayor.
i dont know anything about his political position, and i dont care, but he's definately good for Pragmeta's business... and a nice guy.
alix is learing how to be a hooker, her mom is teaching her.
i will try to post some of the rugs they are makeing whe we have pictures... no not that kind of hooker... they make rugs... with hooks aparently.
Im still working hard to devlop my own Massivly Multiplayer Online Game.
and existance is good.
i just realised that sureal is su + real and su is short for sudo which is a command in linux that lets you run commands as root without being logged in as such... or something. and real is short for burealto.. which is a mexican style texan food... sureal therefore means: ninja texan that wants to be a mexican food.
i guess i should go to work now.
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| comunication |
[24 Apr 2006|07:21pm] |
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music |
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Daft Punk - Interstella 5555 |
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there is a problem with it.
the problem is our brains.... we link things.
talking, writeing, singing to someone else, gesturing even ... its like a web page with a hyperlink on everyword.. and your browser automaticly pops up every page.
!$#@%
i NEED to comunicate. but ive gota get more then a popup stoper, i need to reformat and install ubuntu.
i think the bigest problem with comunication is we have no idea wtf it going on.
i am very upset about something that doesnt seem to get comunicated... something i want everyone to instictively know without me telling them... in many cases without me there.
the real problem is the words to do this got a jumbled in a fucked up society where we have one word for a thousand meanings and where adaptations of rules of adaptations worm around untill no one knows why we do what we do anymore... thats just the way it is.
it makes me sick.
i dont want to live in this society... your all a bunch of mirrors... i cant stand it.
.....
bleh. starting over...
i am very upset about something that doesnt seem to get comunicated... something i want everyone to instictively know without me telling them... in many cases without me there.
its time to do what needs to be done to make it so...
its time to do alot of things to put my life where i want it.
its time to stop planning
its time to stop screwing around.
if i have to live in society... i will put a dent in it.
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cl0ckw0rk's journal
Calm before the Death Strike